Review: Ozette Rando Bag by Swift Industries

Over the summer I scored some extra cash via my normal combination of pulling outside work through consulting gigs and dealing meth to Christian churches.  As I considered my extra funds I was torn between whether to invest this money in an index fund that could potentially grow at 10% clip each year and could one day help fund my retirement or whether to blow it all on an unnecessary bit of bike gear.

So for the low, low, price of 250 dollars (including shipping) I ordered an Ozette Rando bag from Swift Industries.  For those of you not in the know, Swift Industries is a small mom and pop operation that exists in one of those coastal cities where people commute to work on bike and NO ONE EVEN CARES.

The dimensions, for those interested, are as follows:

Large

Measurements: 11"w x 9"d x 9" tall

Capacity: 10.5 Liters

Features: Vinyl lined, lid opens from cyclist out, two 3" pockets facing rider, front pocket, 7.5"x11" clear map case on lid, flush side pockets, four velcro strips on bottom of the bag to add stability, webbing insert for rando rack’s tombstone, and 1" dee rings on either side of the bag (Source: SWIFT INDUSTRIES). 

Here it is.  The Ozette Rando bag (Size: LARGE, the way I like bags and women).  

Here are the PROs of this bag:

1.  It's as classy as wearing a monocle and spitting cavier.  It has LEATHER and WAXED canvas, after all. Every cyclist in tweed knickers must be twirling their mustaches in envy.  

2. It's so big it's like carrying a portable San Diego (whale's vagina) at all times.  And most importantly, as you can see, it can hold 12 beers. That's almost enough beer to make me forget that I have no friends and nobody likes me.  

Here are the CONs of this bag:

1. Sometimes, it's TOO big.  Sure, there are times where I need a bag of this magnitude to carry my 13" Macbook (perusing pornography at the Coffee Depot is best done on a laptop screen with RETINA), but most of the time it seems like overkill. Do I always need to be able to have the capacity to carry a bowling ball full of coconut rum?  

2. NOW I NEED MORE BAGS.  Sure, I have a smaller VO Campagne bag.  And now I have a massive Ozette Bag. But what if I need a bag that's between those two sizes?  And what if I need a bag that's one size bigger?  What if I need a bag that's two sizes smaller than my Campagne bag? What if I need a bag just the right size to carry a cat mummy? 

Thank God no one has ever made a bag that can be worn on your back.  I'd have to buy at least 3 dozen.